Hey, guys.

I'm so, so sorry I've seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. I don't even know what happened, really. I just hope you don't all hate me, because I love all of you tons, even though I'm clearly crappy at showing it and keeping in touch in any way.

So, mostly this is a post to say, hi, I'm alive and I hope you still care.

Quick life update: I'm working in the theatre these days, finishing up ASM-ing a show for the New York Musical Theatre Festival and starting an internship at another theatre, which is going to turn into a real job soon. I'm not sure about school at all. The thought of not going back to Smith this spring is scary, because it means officially withdrawing, and the thought of dropping out of college is, well, terrifying. At the same time, I'm really not sure it's the right place for me, or that I'm going to be at all ready to be back in school in January. Not enough got resolved in the past nine months. But I'm still working on it, and we'll see. I've also been dealing with depression in a big, awful way for a long time now; I've basically been depressed since I got to college, and this spring/summer it got particularly bad. It's not better, but it's another thing I'm working on, and hopefully soon it will start getting better.

So that's pretty much where I'm at right now. I'm going to go check this friends list now and see where you're all at. I've been thinking about and missing a lot of you tons lately. I make no promises, because those always turn out badly, but I'm going to try to be around here more. If I don't, feel free to come yell at me.

(I really wish I had a more current picture of me I actually liked, but one from over two years ago is going to have to keep sufficing for now.)

♥

Here is the previous over-a-month, as it happened:

( 3/30 )

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( 4/1 )

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( 4/8 )

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( 4/10 )

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( 4/11 )

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( 4/14 )

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( 4/16 )

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( 4/18 )

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( 4/24 )

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( 4/28 )

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( 4/30 )

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( 5/2 )

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( 5/5 )

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( 5/6 )

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( 5/12 )

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( 5/13 )

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I don't know if anyone cares about my Third Eye Blind concert experience, but if you do, let me know and I'll repost the whole thing here.

home.

things are fine. for the moment.

really really rushed, too rushed to even use capitals.

anyway, just htought you should all know that i'm home and things are okay(ish). as okay as they're going to be right now.

-In DC w/family (*gags*)
-Will be here through Tues morning
-Have internet access (obviously) but not that much time to actually use it
-Happy Passover, all you other Jews (and even you non-Jews)
-Grandfather okay - don't know what's wrong with him, but everything came back negative and they said he was fine to travel, so he's here with us
-DO NOT WANT to be here - nothing against DC, I've been here many times and it's wonderful, but my family needs to go away, like, yesterday
-Am broke. Still. After I get paid, I will be even more broke.

I don't know, I'm really tired and can't even figure out how I feel. I wrote a little bit of fic today in the car. Hopefully will have time to read/write in the next few days, as that's all I really want. Can't be bothered to type in full sentences at the moment, sorry.

1. I am a big ball of depression/angst/low self-esteem/crap right now, and I'm trying really hard not to force my problems on anyone or snap at anyone, but I don't even know.

2. There was a second thing. I will probably remember it tomorrow.

3. My night was supposed to go like this:
Finish work, take care of a few errands, meet Mom and grandparents at grandparents' apartment, go out to dinner, go home earlyish, be online for hours, sleep.

My night actually went like this:
Finish work, take care of a few errands, meet Mom and grandparents at grandparents' apartment, go out to dinner, realize something is very wrong with my grandfather when the main course comes, call 911, spend the ensuing five hours in the hospital while they run tests and find out exactly nothing, fret a lot, cry a little, finally come home, check email really fast, update LJ really fast, go to bed exhausted.

We think he might have had a mini-stroke (that is not the medical term - I forget what it's called) or something like that, but we'll find out tomorrow. I'm really worried about him. And I'm also falling over exhausted, so I'm going to bed now.

1. Gmail wants to know if I am a Random Badger. If so, I should go to www.weareallbadgers.com and then I will be at home in the comforting glow of Badgerville.

Gmail's ads are weird in general, but seriously. W. T. F. ???????

2. Reconsidering the defriending I did lately. Maybe this is all my problem and I'm not giving you guys enough credit. If you have an opinion, sound off here, but please at least be civil and non-anonymous. I may just need a little time to think. In the mean time, I'll be updating here along with my other journal.

3. I. Am. So. Bored.

4. Punctuation is love. It had to be said.

5. I am trying to think of interesting things, but there really aren't any. Ho hum.

6. I am going to clean my room now, in hopes of finding my cell phone. This, however, is highly doubtful. :(

7. I'll be at Smith next weekend for ConBust. Would love to see anyone who's around! Let me know what you're up to.

I lost my cell phone.

If I used to have your number, I'd like it again, please.

If you want to email it to me instead of commenting with it, that's fine.